#MEFREAKINGTOO
This was my “outfit.” No make-up, post workout, pregnant, wedding ring. I could smell myself, so I know I was funky.
I ran in to the Publix to get eggs, breakfast sausage, Vitamin water, and toilet paper. With these items tossed haphazardly in bags, I speed walked in the 28 degree weather back out to my car. I made eye contact with no one. I smiled at no one. And yet, from behind me in the parking lot I heard…
“I like your leggings!”
“Thanks.” I yelled back over my shoulder as I continued walking to my car, catching only a glimpse of a man behind me.
“Mmmm…sexy.” He replied. Not quietly. Not to himself. Not under his breath. To me.
I walked faster, jumped in my car, locked the doors, and turned to get a good look at him as he climbed in to his red pick up truck parked in a handicapped spot.
And then I got pissed.
WHAT DOES IT TAKE?!?
Literally, what must it take for men to realize that nothing about that encounter made me feel pretty, respected, or safe?
Does it take a senator resigning following eight accusations of sexual harassment including a verified photo where he is touching a woman’s breasts while she sleeps? No, apparently not, since that was the leading headline on NPR before I got out of the car at Publix.
Does it take a media mogul being removed from the company that bears his name for allegations of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape and then being sued by six of those women for racketeering in an attempt to cover it up? Nope, nope, that’s old news.
What about one of the most prestigious, and, I might add, highest paid male morning television news anchors being fired two days after credible allegations of sexual harassment surfaced? Nah, I’m pretty sure I watched Savannah and Hoda this morning, NOT Matt Lauer.
Could it be TIME Magazine naming it’s person of the year the “Silence Breakers” out of recognition of the immense courage, strength, and, frankly, emotional energy it took for those women to come forward? Clearly not, as I heard one man lamely argue “that’s not a person, so they can’t really be called ‘Person of the Year.’”
What about the resignation of the longest-serving current member of the House stepping down amid accusations that he openly changed clothes in front of female staffers or came out of the bathroom naked? Apparently, that behavior can be explained away by his age or simply denounced given that he is “an American icon.”
Or, my personal favorite, could it be the resignation of the Senator from Arizona who felt it prudent to offer his female staffers the option of being the gestational carrier of his children? Is that considered a new employee “benefit”?
How is this not enough?!? How is it not sufficient to start a tidal wave of awareness, disgust, self-reflection, or at the very least, silence?
That man in the parking lot opened his mouth today. That man who was clearly taller, heavier, and stronger than I looked at my pregnant, sweaty, toilet-paper carrying self and thought to himself “I like that, and I’m gonna tell her so.” Across a parking lot. At 9:30 in the morning.
The saddest part is, the comment that got me so fired up this morning? Normally, that comment wouldn’t even penetrate. I’d shake my head, get in my car, and chalk that up to being the 438th asshole I’ve encountered in parking lots throughout my life. That comment wouldn’t feel like sexual harassment to me because it no longer meets my threshold of danger. It is part of my daily life, as it is for EVERY. OTHER. WOMAN.
How despicable is it that the mere definition of sexual harassment has been robbed from us? That the normalization of this behavior has lost its venom because it is not imminently dangerous to our career, our safety, or our lives. That is disgusting.
There is a reason every female reporter you hear talk about this topic says something to the effect of “I don’t know a woman who hasn’t experienced sexual harassment.” She’s not exaggerating. She’s just speaking the truth. Sadly, most of us don’t even think of these situations as “sexual harassment” anymore because we worry we’ll discredit the experiences of the women we know who have gone through much, much worse.
Ladies, let me be abundantly clear. The definitions of these words do matter. Sexual harassment is not the same thing as sexual assault is not the same thing as rape. You have the power to ruin a man’s life. Take that seriously. Use it judiciously, and only when it is inexplicably true. Honor your fellow women by being honorable yourself. It is the ONLY way we will gain the respect we so dearly deserve from the men who genuinely want to be our peers, our partners, our allies.
Maybe it’s because the thing growing inside of me may be a little girl who one day will become a woman. Maybe it’s because I cannot fathom explaining to her why she needs to “let this one go.” Or maybe it’s because if this little one is a boy who becomes a man, I will literally unleash the wrath of God on him should I ever hear him use his place in this world to degrade another human or to treat them like the object of his entertainment. I cannot imagine what the mothers of these men must be going through. I ache for them.
What does it take? How loud must we yell? How many of us must be hurt?
We are your wives. We are your sisters. We are your mothers. We are your daughters. And while most of us have gratefully avoided the violence and trauma of sexual assault and rape, we ALL have experienced a man in a grocery store parking lot.
Do not be that man. To any woman. EVER.
