The Defiance of the Pause Button
Yesterday, I wanted to opt out of adulting. After 6 1/2 hours in the car to and from a pointless meeting, a litany of inquiries from people who can’t read, and a to-do list that is now written on 2 napkins, 3 devices, and my hand, I was done. Like didn’t go to yoga, came home and ate half a box of Wheat Thins, all the cheese in the house, and 2 glasses of wine done. My dramatic finish to that tempter tantrum was to collapse on the couch face first in to the dog’s butt. My husband, for whom my dog has unending patience, can get away with that. When I did it, my Princess looked at me with eyes that beamed “Bitch, did you miss the pillow that’s 2 inches from your head?”
In that moment, I desperately wanted a pause button.
And I can promise I’m not the only one. During that epic car ride, my best friend called and delivered one of the best rants I’ve heard in a hot minute. It ended only when she started getting hypoxic from lack of oxygen. In the fairy tale we shall call “Three Kids and a Husband”, her 4-year old decided to take a poop in the potty (WINNING, right?!?) Except her 7-year old’s impatience (and inability to find one of the other 3 bathrooms in their house) led him to the brilliant solution of peeing between his brother’s legs while he was taking a poop. I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say pee was now part of the bathroom decor. Poop, thank goodness, stayed in the toilet.
PAUSE BUTTON!!!!
I am the first to complain about adulting, although I feel like I manage it fairly well. It is just straight up hard to exist in this world, much less work, parent, love, lose, buy, sell, save, exercise, diet all while remembering to put the key under the mat for the dog sitter (WOOPS!) And while my skills for managing that mayhem have become more robust, at times, I just want to scream “FREEZE!” (And I just sang to myself “Eve-ry-bo-dy clap your hands”…sigh)
I clearly need both a pause button and a lobotomy.
I’m capable of taking my own time out. Finding stillness on my mat or renewal under the sun. I can pause, but when I do, nobody else does. Like the Easy button of Staples fame, I’d appreciate a Pause button with more power. I want the whole world to just sit still for a sec when I hit it. I need you ALL to pause. I need my to do list not to get any longer, the precious minutes I need to accomplish all that’s on my to do list not to tick by, and nobody NOBODY to text me. I need everything else to pause except me.
Not for long. Not for evs. Just for a second, a breath, a tangible moment of pause so that I can catch up.
Last night, I got over myself and got back to adulting. I made pumpkin bread, wrote a thank you note, finished the laundry, and felt bad about not going to yoga. I had a come to Jesus moment with myself— I am not Peter Pan. There is no Neverland, and I’m guessing there’s probably not a pause button either. Life will go on, life does go on, and that means I will go on with it. As daunting as that seemed last night, this morning it feels like hope. Because as a result of that going on, yesterday is over, and today holds the promise of being less ridiculous.
All that to say, if I ever scream “FREEZE”, every last one of you better reach deep for your freeze tag’s finest statue. And if I’m standing in a corner slapping something that appears to be a button, someone just get me a glass of wine and a dog butt.
